Frogs

Convinced the rapidly erratic weather patterns across the globe (melting polar ice caps, snow in Malibu, etc.) is the strongest argument for a call to environmental arms? Think again... if you want to really get a taste of the horrors brought about by our raping of the planet then Netflix® the 1972 horror chestnut "Frogs."

"Frogs" stars Ray Milland as crotchety wheelchair-bound Southern patriarch Jason Crockett (who hates the environment almost as much as Dick Cheney hates puppies), who assembles his (dysfunctional) family for his own birthday celebration at his swampside island mansion. The rapidly growing frog population around his property has him pretty pissed off ("With all our technology and all my money we still can't get rid of these frogs!")... and, apparently, the amphibian community has been listening to him spew his bile as they begin to take out the party guests one by one. The frogs aren't the only ones attacking - snakes, alligators, lizards, spiders, and leeches all join in to contribute to the rising body count. Only Sam Elliott, as a stranded photojournalist (working on a piece about swampland pollution, natch), has the common sense to realize what is unfolding ("Frogs attacking windows? Snakes on chandeliers? Those aren't exactly normal things Mr. Crockett")... but will he be able to convince the insane Crockett and the others to escape the island in time? Crockett would rather continue to try to poison the slimy island inhabitants than listen to this environmental pussy ("The frogs are thinking now? The snails are planning strategy? They have brains as good as ours? Is that your point?"). Commit an hour and thirty minutes to watch the flick to find out what happens. I did. I know what happens. I feel a better person for the journey.

This film has everything... killer amphibians, interracial romance (this is 1972...), Ray Milland shooting a chandelier-hanging snake with a pistol, the obviously long-suffering granddaughter/70s babe pleading to her gold-digging louse of a mate to pay attention to her rather than "drinking in that speedboat all day and all night." Listen, don't get me wrong... this is a bad, bad movie... but in a good/bad kind of way. Sort of. I mean, I wouldn't spend the 10 bucks to buy the disc... I just felt like writing a blog, okay? Shoot me.

Think "The Birds" without Hitchcock (or a budget). Plus the film's official taglines are "Cold green skin against soft warm flesh...a croak...a scream" AND "Today the pond... tomorrow the world!" Really, they are.

Spiderman shmiderman.

Frogs. You've been warned. Enjoy the trailer: